go on and kiss the girl

you were online ALL DAY
why!
and today i had the entire day off
i went to the the bank, shoppers and dollarama
came home...and you were still on!
why!
you were taunting me all day
so i finally said hello
i don't regret it
but holy shit i miss you so much
you make me smile and laugh
even though i hate you
i actually don't hate you
i hate the situation
and i will probably take it out on you
by eventually not talking to you
even though its so hard not too.
to get you off my mind,
i will fill out one of those notes
and listen to disney music

note

What would happen if you were suddenly in bed with the last person who texted you?
i'd be like what up sammysamsammm

Have you ever felt replaced?
yes

Is your hair longer than your shoulders?
yes

If you had a chance to make $200, only, by stripping for truckers on a corner, would you?
naw, thats nasty

Would you run down your street naked if it meant earning $15,000?
yea

Could you forgive someone who slept with your boyfriend/ girlfriend?
no

What color are your eyes?
greenish

Last person you told a secret to?
no idea

Everyone falls down sometimes, right?
yep, ice usually makes me fall

Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?
i do

Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?
no

Does anyone disgust you?
yes

The last person you kissed romantically; was it an intoxicated kiss or sober kiss?
um

The last time someone called you a bitch & meant it, did you deserve it? What'd you do?
i don't think someones called me a bitch and meant it in a while

Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?
no

Are you happy with the choices you've made?
sure

Do you know anyone named: John, Mike, Nathan, Joe, Tim?
yes, yes, yes, yes, yes

Is "because i was drunk" a good enough reason for you?
depends, usually is

Are you open about your feelings or closed off?
usually closed

Do you find it difficult to stay positive in a bad situation?
yes

What are you listening to?
the beauty and the beast song.....don't judge me, i said i was listening to disney music

Why?
because i feel like it

Have you ever opened up to somebody, but then they basically threw it all back in your face?
no i dont think so

Do you believe in marriage? Do you plan on getting married someday?
umm i would like to. i don't plan things, nothing ever goes according to it

Ever cried while you were on the phone with a friend?
yea

If your upset, do you admit it?
depends

Was last night terrible?
no it was good

Who was the last person you watched a movie with?
watched speed with lovers

Which movie?
i said speed

Do you tell your best friends everything?
most things

Last time you loved life?
i love it most of the time

Think about the last time you were crying what made you stop?
i can't think of the last time

Ever kissed anyone by accident?
no

Was today a good one?
i guess

Who's thinking about you right now?
no one

Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
probably

Have you ever been so hurt that you wanted to stop feeling completely?
yes

Have you ever literally needed someone?
yes

Is anything wrong?
men

Have you ever in any way, been betrayed by someone you trust?
yes

Is it easy for someone to make you smile/laugh?
usually

Anything happen to you within the past month that made you really happy?
ummmmmm no idea haha

Do you have alcohol in your house?
right beside me...

Where would you go on a road trip with your best friend?
russia!

Is there a difference between love and in love?
apparently

In the past week, have you cried?
no

Would you ever adopt?
yes

Would you rather be called 'baby' or 'honey?'
i prefer rachelle but if i had to pick, i guess it would be baby

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
lorelie

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking weed?
yes

Whats the colour of your shirt?
red

Would you put your life on the line for anyone?
yea

Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
depends on the someone....in a king bed! i need space

If your boyfriend or girlfriend smoked pot, would you care?
i guess it would depend on how much

Have you ever had someone pick you up off the ground & carried you?
its called not being able to walk as a child

Would rather be loved or love someone?
how can one pick

Can people see what you're feeling by your eyes?
apparently

Are you a forgiving person?
no

How is life going for you right now?
good

Are you mad about anything?
no

What does the last text message in your inbox say?
haha i told him he was gross and he said he thought he was being witty

Last missed call?
i am way to lazy to find out

Do you think you'll be hurt again soon?
its life

How far away is the person you miss?
not far

Is there a girl that knows everything or mostly everything about you?
yes

Would you rather have love or money?
love


that didn't work
oh well

ray charles

matters of the mind

i don't know what to do
but something has brought you back to my mind
and it feels wrong that you are on my mind
and its so annoying
you were gone for at least a week
since i saw you last
the day we all had dinner
and you brought your girl
and i ignored you
whether you actually noticed or not
i don't really care.
we didn't talk and the goodbye was similar to how one would say farewell to one that doesn't matter.
but since then, i've "met" a boy.
one with blue eyes, tall, cute and quite the distraction.
you left my mind for the first time in over a year.
it was nice, i felt clear
something had been lifted off my shoulders
but of course, you came back.
came back like that stupid cat that came back and had a song written about his escapades...
it feels different though
still wrong
and a waste of time
but instead of making me happy that i am thinking of you and giddy because you make me smile, its annoying me
because its a waste of time
and i want you off my mind.

since i can't say the words myself, goldfinger can.

If Only
If only I was taller
If I had a million dollars
maybe then you'd be with me

If only I was eighteen
and had the courage
of the A-Team
maybe then you'd be with me

But for now I'll have to dream
about your smile 'cause you're not
here and all I want to say is
that I really miss you

If I could surf a little better
If I had Sumner's sweater
maybe then you'd be with me

If only I had more time
If I had Mike Ness' hairline
then you'd want to be with me

If only you weren't so fine
If only I wasn't so blind
I'd find a way
to make you stay
then maybe I'd see you

If I woke up
with all these things
Would it even change your feelings
None of that is even me
But for now I'll have to
wait another week
to see your face and all I want to say is
that I really miss you


ray charles

Machiavellian Thoughts and Broken Resolutions

I don't usually make new year's resolutions anymore, but this year i did...sort of. I had an idea for a resolution about focussing on myself and the important things in life, and not silly insignificant things like, lets say a relationship or a stupid boy. I'm tired of lending my heart to people who don't take care of it, or don't ackowledge its existence. I'm tired of being thrown away. So my resolution was to take better care of my heart this year...what bullshit.

A few years back i wrote a line, "Stop caving into your weak heart." I incorporated that line into some lyrics, but i never really finished the poem i tried to use it in...and i didn't like it with any other lyrics...i realized it's because it's strong enough as a single line on its own without other words, and it's become my "motto" i suppose. I've wanted to get it tattooed across my left fore-arm for quite some time now, maybe one day. Anyway, i finally incorporated into a piece i wrote after new year's, it's like my resolution...that i've failed at keeping...maybe next year.

ps. This is one of my fave lines from one of my fave political philosophers, Machiavelli, "I am happy for fate to see to what depths I have sunk, for I want to know if she will be ashamed of herself for what she has done." Basically fate keeps fucking with me, either trying to prove something to me or telling me to take control of my own destiny...either way i'm frustrated. The ends can't justify the mans if you never get to your goal, right? K, rant is done, here's my poem i wrote back in january...



*Resolutions from the Heart*

Darling, I am so sorry
I know I keep putting you through this
Over and over and over again
But I don’t know if you’re the problem or if I am
It’s like a vicious cycle between you and I
Do I make you the way you are or do you make me the way I am?
Either way we’re stuck with each other, so let’s make the best of this
That is why I’m going to promise you something
I promise to take better care of you this year
Between impractical dreams, caving in and being thrown around
You’re still beating every other second fighting your weaknesses
The weaknesses I bring upon you
Whether I’m resurrecting past memories and secrets
Welcoming in “what ifs” and “could have beens”
Throwing you against the wall screaming I’m done
Coughing you up and allowing you to be walked all over
I’m always caving in
I’m hurting you, I’m hurting us
And I’m tired of scraping you up from off the faithless floor
Or collecting your pieces, though each time losing a few more
I’m sorry that scotch tape is holding you together when I can’t
And I’m sorry for passing you off as something shiny and whole and open for business
But through the mistakes and second chances
And rough nights with the past and second second chances
You’ve stuck around, because we need each other
I’m sorry for hoping and dreaming so big, filling you with nothing but air
But these dreams, our dreams, are not so impractical
They may not be the safest, but I am learning that they are possible
So just stick around a little longer and I promise things will change
My skin is tougher along with my will
My ribs, though uneven and protruding on one side, are always there for you
Especially when I forget to be or can’t be
So darling, this year will be different, I promise
It’s already started off much better than last year did
Together I think we can break this cyclical rendezvous with dead ends
I just need to keep reminding myself, “STOP CAVING INTO YOUR WEAK HEART.”
Because our life is depending on it

Lorelie <3

So, i've been thinking a lot about the different friendships and relationships i've encountered...and a lot has changed, a lot of people have cut other people out, and i just don't understand certain things. i'm at a time in my life where i have the opportunity to cut some people out...i have before, unintentionally, things just change...but now it's like i have the choice to do it, and i don't know if i can. We'll see how everything goes, i'll be back at school in a month with my school friends i haven't seen in a while anyway. So here's a little poem about a bunch of people and things and feelings.

ps. i cannot stop listening to Raised by Swans, amaaaaazing band...and i'm SUPER excited for Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, oh Michael Cera <3


I can replace your old photos with new faces
And change my heart so you'll no longer fill its spaces
I can feign distaste and ignore your advances
Forget the past and throw away all my chances
I can build walls and burn bridges like the hypocrite I am
Be spiteful and childish because I know I can
And you'll never figure out where it went wrong
I'll cut you out, it won't take very long
But my spine won't allow me to do this to you
Regardless of how much you've put me through
So what would it take to cut you out?
Surely not a conscious of ambivalent doubt
I've never been good with letting go
But there's nowhere for this relationship to grow
Maybe as our last few ties are broken and dissolved
We'll softly part ways with little resolved
Until then I can't cut you out the way others can
It's not how I'm programmed and it's not who I am
To cut you out is the more spineless action you see
I'd rather be bruised and a sucker than act cowardly
I can replace your old photos with new faces
But my heart won't evict you from its spaces

+ Lorelie

olive you

Are you ready for some ACTUAL questions; questions that teenagers actually go through?
suree

Do you know what love is?
no i do not

Do you ever wish you could just go to sleep & never wake up?
yepp

Do you want to have any children? If so, how many?
yea, for the longest time i wanted 4 boys...why i dont know. probably 3, hopefully 2 boys and 1 girl, the youngest.

Megan Fox or Raven Riley?
neither. fuck celebrities

How many piercings have you had in your life?
3

Do you use hearts like this <3 a lot?
yea

What were you doing at 2am?
sleeping

Would you go into public looking like you do right now?
maybe put pants on

Do you like where you live?
no

Is anyone over protective of you?
budds

Are you any good at math?
yea

Have you ever made someone so mad that they broke something?
no...hmm new goal in life! ahah

What color is your phone?
black

Tell us the truth, what made you start liking the person you like now?
his humour

Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to?
no

Is there someone who meant a lot to you at one point, and isn't around now?
yep

What do you do when you're having a bad day?
i am awfully silent

Where is your biological mother right now?
downstairs

Let's test your memory, what were you doing at this moment a year ago?
i was actually at a friends, celebrating my 20th birthday

Have you ever held hands with the opposite sex?
ye

Do you always answer your phone?
no, i usually don't hear it

If the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose?
fall

Who was the last person to call you?
amanda!

Are you multi-tasking right now?
naw

Are you wearing a hoodie? If so, what color?
nope

Are you a patient person?
depends...if theres a deadline...then no

Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
naw

Do you think you are a good person?
yea

When was the last time a person of the opposite sex hugged you?
ummm today

Do you know anyone named Matt?
yes

What smiley face do you use most?
=]

Is there a difference between the word 'best friend' and 'friend'?
yep

Is good vocabulary attractive?
not if they sound like shakespeare...

Three days from now, will you be in a relationship?
nope

Do you think you'll be married in three years?
hahaha no

Can you name one person who has the same first and last initials as you?
no actually haha

Would you stay with your bf/gf if they did drugs?
no

Are you waiting for anything?
not really

Do you think you will be a better parent than your parents were/are?
i hope i can be as good as my mom

Is there anyone who you'd risk your life for?
yep

Do you think that crying is a form of weakness?
no

Are relationships ever really worth it?
sometimes.

Have you ever found someone you really, really, really liked?
yea

Honestly, are things going the way you planned?
nope.

What's your mood?
tired and bored

Are you wasting your time on someone?
yes

Can you commit to one person?
yea

Would it be more likely of you to fail Science or Math?
science

Ever made a girl cry?
yea

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
been a while...my butterflies are guilty

What's been different this year?
im older.........smart ass answer

What are your plans for tmrw?
work

You have to get a piercing, what do you get?
no idea

Do you look older than you actually are?
nope

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
mom

Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?
kind of

Have you told someone you love them today?
no

What were you doing yesterday at midnight?
watching tv

Are you happy with the way things are going?
could be better

How do you feel about girls smoking?
smoking is nasty, no matter who it is

Do you have someone who you can be your complete self around?
yes

Would you rather your partner have gorgeous eyes or a gorgeous smile?
smile

Do you think relationships are hard?
sometimes.

august 9th!

i don't really believe in it
but i do find it interesting to read it
and i also think its interesting that theres an entire industry and life styles devoted to astrology.
i once remember reading something about my astrological-ness based solely on my birthday.
so i've done some digging and found some random information about "me."
some of it is bull...some seems true!

Sun in Leo

She is masterful, likes authority, aspires towards an ideal. A little too pretentious and always wanting things. She likes to give advice. She is honest, frank, loyal, open and sincere.

Weaknesses: pride, vanity, arrogance, presumption and disdain of others.


Your birth on the 9th day of the month adds a tone of idealism and humanitarianism to your nature. You become one who can work easily with people because you are broadminded, tolerant and generous. You are ever sensitive to others' needs and feelings, and even if the other numbers in your core makeup don't show it, you are very sympathetic and compassionate. Your feeling run deep and you often find yourself in dramatically charged situations. This 9 energy always tends to give more that it gets.

Famous Snakes

• Mahatma Gandhi
• Charles darwin
• Abhram Linclon
• Bob Dylan
• J.F.kennedy
• Mao Tse-tung
• Aristotle and Jacquelin Onassis

Leo is the fifth sign of the astrological year and is known by its astrological symbol, the Lion. Leo individuals are dynamic, self-confident, and highly dramatic. They are considered to be good organizers, with an ability to lead and inspire others.

The typical Leo woman is glamorous and regal. She isn't complicated -- in fact she's more up-front and honest. She revels in the spotlight and often finds herself the center of attention. No matter how happy she is in her personal life, a Leo woman needs more. That usually means a career or, in some cases, an involvement in social or community affairs that showcase her creative interests and organizational skills.

The fifth zodiac sign, Leo indicates generosity and warm-heartedness. People under this sun sign are ruled by the sun. Some of the most highly creative souls on the earth are Leo.

Leo Personality

Leo people have a flamboyant personality. They can bring a smile to your face in minutes. Their charm attracts people towards them like a magnet. It's no surprise that they are regarded as great companions. They are known to work hard and party harder.

This sign shows the satisfaction that hard work and sacrifice brings. People under this sign are powerful organizers. They are born leaders. Such people stand out in the crowd on account of their apparent pride, which at times, is regarded as being showy or snobbish. When somebody, whom they regard as a lesser mortal, challenges the Leo, it becomes a sensitive issue.

Leo people are generally broad-minded. They listen to others' opinions. They are open to changes and experimentation's. Sometimes, it can prove to be perilous, as they tend to take risks. You'll find a Leo getting bored easily.

Leo people are great lovers. The word "infidelity" is absent from their dictionary. They are always ready to defend the honor of their loved ones. Such people are passionate lovers and like to pamper their partner.

Although Leo people possess leadership qualities, they crave attention. They love to stand out in the crowd and be applauded. You will see a Leo brimming with confidence and self assurance, but what you will not see is the sensitivity, which is hidden deep inside. When a Leo is surrounded by strong supporters, he or she can prove to be a terrific leader.

weird. plus im bored.
happy birthday to me.

-ray charles