sawing logs

i slept SO WELL last night =]

i was in bed by 12.30!!!!!!!!

i got up this morning at 10.00 am.

soooooooooooo happy

i am tired though

will be sleeping early tonight after work

but for now, some csi and a note on my blog!

Your ex wants to hook up, you do what?

i think i'd laugh and walk away

The last person you kissed randomly came up to you and kissed you?

no idea who does that

If your best friend went out with your ex, what would you do?

that wouldn't happen

Do you like hugs or do you freak when people hug you?

depends on who is hugging me and if i want the hug

If your ex called you right now, would you answer?

well maybe since i wouldn't know who it was

Are there things in your life that you'll never be able to get over?

some stuff i guess

Do you think things will change in the next few months?

the days, time. ahaha well it is summer so who knows

Do you honestly trust anyone with everything?

a few

Do you look decent when you wake up?

if decent includes messed up hair, then oh yeeeee

If there were no letters on the keys on your keyboard could you still type?

of course

In the past week, have you cried?

from laughter

Has a boy sat on your bed?

yes

Did you speak to your mother today?

through text

Have you kissed somebody in the last month?

on the cheek.. haha

Ever skip class?

i'm a good girl

Your ex calls you to tell you they hate you, what would you say?

probably something like cool

Anyone pissing you off?

yeah

How's the weather today?

so hot oh man.

Who are you talking to right now?

no one at the moment. no ones home, and no one on msn

What are you talking about?

i said i wasn't talking to anyone HOLAY

What can you hear right now?

the porno like music in csi..haha

Do you dislike/hate anyone?

dislike a few

Anything exciting happening this weekend?

i hopppppe so. maybe some patio fun at lorelies? =]

Do you like your life right now?

pretty good... something would be nice to change haha

Do you plan to get a tattoo at any point in your life?

yes. a native turtle somewhere and the coordinates to some special place on my foot

When wɑs the lɑst time you lɑughed reɑlly, reɑlly hɑrd?

yesterday dont know why

Whɑt wɑs the lɑst drink you hɑd?

few minutes ago

Whɑt does your lɑst received text messɑge sɑy?

bahahaha a little

Does ɑnyone know your pɑssword besides you?

yea...

Whɑt ɑre you most looking forwɑrd to tomorrow?

ummm money i guess

Lɑst night, did you go to sleep smiling?

probably not

Are you weɑring ɑny jewelry?

one ear ring

Lɑst movie you wɑtched in the cinemɑs? with who?

uhh friday the 13th

Where is your phone?

beside me

Anybody you're looking forwɑrd to seeing soon?

yes

Who wɑs the first person you tɑlked to todɑy?

uhhhhhh amanda

Is there someone you just cɑn't imɑgine your life without?

yess

Does your ɑlɑrm clock wɑke you with music, or with ɑn ɑnnoying buzz sound?

its the sound of a submarine

When you broke stuff in the house ɑs ɑ child, did you blɑme it on siblings?

blamed it on the sibs

Last person to say they loved you?

mom

Is there one thing/anyone that is on your mind constantly?

money

Do you want to see somebody right now?

yea

Do you get along better with boys or girls?

boys

Last guy/girl to text you?

buddha!

ray charles!

sleep

i freeken love sleep

it is amazing

it refreshes me

gives me the energy to go all day

and lets me explore dreamland with dragons, cute guys and whatever my mind feels.

i guess in a way it lets me be creative, express what i am truly thinking about and dream whatever i want.

sleep, as it lets me dream, helps me entertain my friends with my crazy dreams.

i am a chronic weird dream haver. it is true!

sleep trumps a lot of things too.

i need lots of it, get lots of it and enjoy it to the max.

one problem though, my clock is off!

it doesn't match the rest of the world.

in the month since school has ended and i have returned to gotham, my bed time (or sleep time i suppose since im in bed, watching tv, waiting for sleep) has hit its all time high (or late..or early?). i can't fall asleep before 6 am. yes. you read correctly. 6 fucken am in the fucken morning! i hear birds! BIRDS! it is bright outside. i hear cars starting and driving off.

i set my alarm everydy. completely ignore it. i usually wake up at 2 pm.

then i work t 6.30.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!

i am sitting here, tired. yet if i go upstairs to my bed, i will be there forever waiting for sleep.

gahhhhhh

sleep come to me!

ray charles

shfifty secrets plus more

50 little secrets. i am suppose to be honest.

One - Who was your last text from?
j, my roomie

Two - Where was your default pic taken?
um i don't have one

Three- Your relationship status?
singled

Four - What is your current mood?
uh annoyed? bored

Five - What's your brother(s) names?
dano and buddha!

Six - Where do you wish you were right now?
chillen in someones backyard, chatting away

Seven - Have a crazy side?
depends on how well you know me whether or not you think my hyper side is crazy

Eight - Ever had a near death experience?
nope

Nine - Something you do a lot?
touch my eyes

Ten - Angry at anyone?
naw

Eleven - What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
fear and he has someone

Twelve - When was the last time you cried?
no idea

Thirteen - Is there anyone you would do anything for?
yessss

Fourteen - What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
ummm usually the day and the day to come

Fifteen- What were you doing yesterday at 10:00?
10 am? sleeping. 10 pm? hmmm i can't remember

Seventeen - Who was the last person you talked to on the phone
mom maybe

Eighteen - What is your favorite song?
so many. currently swing life away - rise against

Nineteen - What are you doing right now?
chatting on msn and this

Twenty - Who do you trust right now?
some people

Twenty one - Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
it was a gift so i have no idea

Twenty four - Describe your current life in one word.
confusing

Twenty five - What are you thinking of right now?
how i wish they made band aids resistible to life

Twenty six - What should you be doing right now?
sleeping

Twenty seven - What are you listening to?
rise against

Twenty nine - Who was the last person who yelled at you?
probably my mom haha

Thirty - Do you act differently around the person you like?
i can be quiet i suppose

Thirty one - What is your natural hair color?
le brun

Thirty two - Who was the last person to make you laugh?
dannnno

Thirty three - Who is the first person you look for when you sign on to msn?
the boy

Thirty five - Is your hair naturally curly or straight?
whatever it feels like being...more straight though

Thirty six - Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before?
haha no

Thirty eight - Gone skinny dipping in the past week?
naw

Thirty nine - Do you use smiley faces on the computers?
ones like this =]

Forty - Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
yes

Forty one - Are you happy with life right now?
could be better but i have time

Forty two - Are you currently jealous?
a tad..

Forty three - Would you ever have sex with someone of the same sex?
no...haha that reminds me of south park. the episode with mr garrison and scissoring haha

Forty four - What are you doing Friday night?
i believe its snoogins bday party

Forty five - Ever had your heart broken?
ummm i guess maybe

Forty six - Have you ever broken someone's heart?
yea right

Forty seven - Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
not anymore because i don't care

Forty Eight - What are you looking forward to?
um seeing my friends

Forty Nine -Miss anybody?
yes

Fifty- Lyrics to the song you're listening to?
i am way to lazy to type. and i don't think this is a secret!

What is your favorite color?
purple

What color are your eyes?
greeen

How tall are you?
5'3 1/2

What do you have planned for today/tonight?
well its time for bed soon

If you could have one wish right now what would it be?
for some lovin. that seems lame. i actually sat here and thought about it. i could say world peace, but thats so far out there

Do you want to get married and have children one day?
i'd like to

Who is the 9th contact in your phone?
br hahahah

Ever liked someone who treated you like crap?
of course

If you could spend more time with someone you used to be very close with, would you?
depends on who it was i suppose

Could you go a day without eating?
i've done it! twice!

Did your parents force you to go to church or let you make the decision?
used to force me

Would you date an 18 year old at the age you are now?
nooooooooooooooo

Would you take someone back if they cheated on you?
nope

Have you ever dyed your hair?
nope

How many windows are open on your computer?
6

Anything you really want?
yes

Can you have more than one best friend?
yes

How many pets do you have?
4

Looking back did you ever think youd be where you are now?
no way jose

Last restaurant you went to?
burger king in buffalo <3

Ever kissed someone over 30?
like a friendly 'hi how are you' or family

How's your heart lately?
tired, confused and beating

Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
yes.

Look behind you, what do you see?
millie and willy, my turtles

What do you think of love?
fucken waste of time

Do you still talk to any of your ex's?
no

Are you mad at anyone right now?
naw

Do people underestimate you?
sometimes overestimate i think. i also think i underestimate myself

You're about to get a tattoo, what are you getting?
a native turtle

Who was the last person you kissed?
thats a good question

Think of your last two kisses, were they with the same person?
no idea

Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
yes

Do you have trust issues?
yea i suppose

What is the last letter of your middle name?
n

ray charles

i've got a bone to pick

you know what is really frustrating

what really annoys me

when people make you feel dumb for being smart

for having knowledge

for knowing something they don't know either because they don't care

or never had the chance to find out

for having an opinion

and for not being ignorant about something like the rest of society.

lately, those who know me and know my area of study (well at least part of it)

have decided that it is enjoyable to constantly ask me questions about natives, not for their own knowledge but for the enjoyment of making me look dumb because my opinion and knowledge does not match their ignorant, ill informed ideas.

ever since i took courses on native history, natives, their history, their place in society and they way in which they are represented in images have constantly been in discussions.

apparently it is funny when someone says "hey, what do you think about the natives on the jerseys" or "tell him why that is wrong ray charles, tell him why its wrong." or when i correct someone for saying indians instead of natives, first nations or aboriginals to refer to the native peoples. i get laughed at, told that i hope i never teach their kids in school one day.

you know what people who do that to me, screw off. learn something. i don't have time to explain things to you if all you are going to do is laugh at me. continue being ignorant. continue knowing nothing. continue ruining the world with your lack of knowledge.

no wonder racism, sexism, classism and all the other isms still exist.

i have never been so knowledgeable in my life

and i'm made to feel dumb because i know more than most

stupid world

ray charles

my two left feet

dear boy/man/sir/thing,

you do not know it, but you have my heart. you make my heart smile, you make me laugh, you make me nervous yet comfortable. you can make me smile even when i can't smile and feel like there is no reason to. you give me constant butterflies, the giggles and make my heart race. you are playful, funny and smart. you get my jokes, listen to my stories and can dish it out as much as you can take it. you are confident and sometimes even cocky. you are outgoing, friendly and honest. you get all my movie and show references, have a story and a buddy for almost every occurrence and use some of the funniest lingo. we may not agree on music, but at least we can rock out to oldies. you've got a way with making me feel invincible, amazing and confident. you are talkative and can keep a conversation going for hours. you have a killer smile, ice blue eyes and seem to be the perfect height. you have one of the best memories any male i've ever known has had. you seem interested in what i say and think and know. you make me mess up sentences and pronounce words so wrong. to top it all off, you are a wings fan, and that is fine by me.

you make me happy. you make me smile. you make me laugh. you make me feel like i can do anything. you bring out the best in me.

last summer, you, without your knowledge, helped bring me back to life. helped make me feel like myself again. i was happy. i was smiling. i was laughing. i was doing whatever i wanted. i was myself again for the first time in to long.

you may have my heart, but someone else has yours. she does. i know nothing about her accept that she is very lucky and is someone that i can't help being jealous of.

i still feel nothing, even though i should be ecstatic when i am around you considering what you do to me. yet, nothing. i am happy, yet nothing. i am laughing, yet nothing. i am smiling, yet nothing. nothing. nothingness. no other way to describe the feeling of nothing. i can't find another word other than nothing. empty doesn't feel appropriate. nothing just works.

my friends know how much i like you, yet admitting that to myself now has become a very difficult task. i do? i don't? maybe? sometimes? i know i do. there i said it. i do. but i don't want to. i rather not.

you have a girlfriend. liking you is a waste of time. one thing i don't like doing is wasting time on people, even if it involves matters of the heart. there's no point liking you.

i know that it is fun. you make me smile and all the mumbo jumbo shit that i already said. but why like someone when they will never like you back? i knew that before you had a girlfriend, you liking me was doubtful. but at least then in the laws of...love? whatever, since you didn't have a someone, it seemed somewhat, even if the chances were slim to none, probable that you could in fact like me. not because you did, but because you could, because you had no one. now, the chances are even slimmer to none-r. no way. no chance. no point.

but unfortunately, the heart does what it wants, likes who it wants, flutters when it wants. you still have it and have given me my two left feet. my two left feet that will make me fall...

gahh this just sucks.

ray charles

So, my Vancouver Canucks were taken out by the Dirty shithawks last night...game six was a fail, two years in a row (on the exact same day too!). However, tonight the Habs won their series and will be moving on (Ray Charles is very happy)...so i guess i should support the remaining Canadian team, and i do like some of their recent additions. As a Leafs fan, it hurts to say this...but...go Habs go...sigh.

In other news, boys are dumb, this work placement shit is dumb, i still don't know about my internship, i already need to catch up on reading and my class just started, i did my nails a purpley blue colour, i'm very tired but i don't want to sleep because then i just sit there waiting to fall asleep thinking of awful things i shouldn't be thinking about...also, i am excited for the new model UN conference my school's UN society is planning, i'm def going to be involved. Now here's something i jotted down in my notebook last night...


I'm just waiting for the moment when he breaks you.
When he snaps your weak bending spine in two, leaves you gravolling on your knees, begging for the reasons, for the answers.
Because I know he will.
It doesn't happen to the best of us. It happens to the most naive hearts.
You should never had tried to let im repair your broken pieces, because in the end it's all just scotch tape wrapped around your heart with shaking hands.
Because he wasn't enough, and he was afraid, and he is a coward.
You've been taping up your heart for years, and you're in need of something better.
You need someone man enough to perform surgery blindfolded, to gently tear away your scarred skin and cracked ribs.
Someone who can give you new pieces to replace the bruised, rotting vessels.
Because scotch tape can only go so far.
So when this coward leaves, and he will leave, don't let him take any pieces with him, you've already lost enough to past cowards and liars.
Don't let him bend your spine to the breaking point because he's being so damn difficult.
Don't fall to your knees on the faithless floor, or try to get answers out of him.
Accept it and scrape your dignity together.
Because he was not strong enough to hold your weak heart, or bright enough to be your lighthouse.
Cowards run away.
So please, don't allow him to break you when he was never able to save you.
Don't allow him to take anything when you could never give him anything sobre.
And most importantly, don't allow him to leave with anything you're not ready to give up.
Now, go get your scotch tape.

+ Lorelie

This is me taking Neptune's trident to fate's throat

So, tomorrow i have an interview at a place that rejected me once for my work placement. My faith in this program has quickly diminished these past few months. I took this stupid waste of life course in order to get an internship...and then i don't get one in the first round, great. So now I've had to apply to a second round of places, and guess what? Only TWO out of FIVE of them i actually have the qualifications and an interest in...again, great. And only one of them has asked me for an interview, one i had applied to in the first round but never heard back from. Seriously, this undergrad councillor better get me a fucking work placement somewhere i like, or i'm going to fucking snap! Anyway, here's a piece i wrote, based off my frustrations and the AMAZING Desiderata, which you should also read.


ps. GO CANUCKS!! (game 6 tomorrow, do or die time again!)

I will tear down each province until you're right beside me
Because this time I'm swinging around closer than ever before
I'm tired of waiting and wishing and believing
And I keep thinking I'll never stop and it kills me
I've fought through ocean currents and thunder storms
Survived armies tougher than my skin and nights with the past
I have been travelling down this road for far too long now
Thinking it will somehow get me closer to you
Foolish Machiavellian thoughts
Because how can the ends justify the means
If I never reach the end I have been so desperately working towards
Strike me down for protesting the gods
But this is me taking Neptune's trident to fate's throat
Because I am done with all of this
I am standing at the crossroads in my life where I could use some help
A favour from the gods I swear I won't reject this time
Since I am going places yet going nowhere
And I am fucking frustrated with these cruel ironic games
Either let me live my dreams or let the world do as it wants with me
I've been eaten and had my heart crushed before so I can take it
Just let the show begin and let destiny come calling
I need to forge my own life separate from this suburban past
But this past is still my present and I so desperately need my dreams
To pull me into their existence and wash away dead ends
Like the tides of a new ocean eroding old rock caverns
Hollowing them from the inside out til they're nothing more than sand
So please take my hand this time and show me the exit
But show me the entrance as well
I don't want to stop believing the universe is unfolding as it should
I don't want to stop wishing for the impractical and unattainable
I don't want to stop waiting for everything I've been waiting for
I've looked past the sham, drudgery and broken dreams
But there's only so much a person can take
Let this be a warning that I'm on my way and I'm ready to be reckless
Since fate thinks it can do as it pleases with my dreams
Well I'm ready to make the impractical possible
And I will tear through the provinces to do so
Don't tell me to strive to be happy because that's what I've always done
I'm tired of waiting and wishing and believing
But I won't stop until it kills me

+ Laura <3