i-m-i-s-s-y-o-u

hey there reader
i should be doing work
but i need a day and night to just relax and sit with my thoughts instead
i was so productive this past weekend:

1. i completed my history paper on punk zines - i finished on the 23rd page not including bibliography and my appendices. i am so happy the draft is finished. my brother is currently looking it over and as a fellow punk and scholar says its really really good. i am happy - it may be a draft but i am treating it as the final paper. i want an A in this class. i want to do well and considering i got an 80% and an email from my prof last term about how amazing my paper was, I think i can do it.
2. i researched for my sexualities class - which i hate - and decided to do my paper on prostitution and the way in which media has presented prostitution since some hearings in september 2010. shall be interesting - this is the next paper i will be working on. starting tomorrow
   
3. i wrote a reflection for my resistance and revolt class
4. i wrote a reflection for my sexualities class
5. i wrote 3 comments on the three history papers that are being presented this week in my class

quite proud of myself.

recently i had a conversation with a friend about missing people and what it means when you miss someone even though you are hurt or sad or whatever
and although i applied it to her situation and to some friendships
i recently thought how it applied to a certain someone and how he just wont go away
i havent talked to him since september and only recently had to send him a text about something
other than that no communication and yet im stuck
i feel like im one of those people that cant let go and that really scares me because im holding myself back
the worst part is not only recently has he been randomly appearing in my dreams but so much is reminding me of him
it sucks because we have similar mannerism and do impersonations the exact same so even things i do or say have been reminding me of random moments together
so annoying
the other day j said like 5 things in a row that i sat there and was just in shock that i was reminded
it doesnt help that she brings him up randomly too
and all i can do is sit there and smile like a little lame school girl or something
i will also sort of be his boss this summer so not only will i see him all week, i will have to be contacting him and such
j told me when i call him initially i need to confess my love and be like "i love you but i gotta go!" which seems innocent enough apparently and in the future i can say i did confess!
yea..haha that wont work
anyways, maybe i am preparing myself for whats to come in a month and for the rest of the summer
who knows
i just want it to go away
nothing ever goes away and im kind of sick of that

ray charles