i think my brain is really tired
i am super stressed out
to the point where i am done with school
and where i just don't care anymore
things are kind of all over the place now and my emotions are taking a beating
so lets explain somethings
friday - i was supposed to go out with my younger brother to a hockey game to watch his best friend (its not minor hockey, its junior so its more of a big deal). and i was really excited to get out of the house and spend time with him and he bailed on me because he forgot his phone at his friends house and i had no way of contacting him. so i stayed home and continued to write my paper on prostitution
saturday - wrote my paper still. probably about half of it and stayed up pretty late doing it as well
sunday - finished the paper. i was actually doing it till about 11 pm then tried to go to sleep but didn't fall asleep till after 5 am...
monday - i was so tired i don't even know how i got out of bed. i got up at 8.20 so i had very little sleep. i was also feeling kind of icky in the morning, just kind of blah so i decided to get an orange juice at school and while i was walking down the hall, my prof who is the chair of sociology asked me if i had got my letter yet and i was what letter and she said grad acceptance and i was was i supposed to? and she said YES! so i went the rest of the day in a pretty good-tired mood. went home and finished my punk presentation around 6 and tried to nap until 7 but it didnt work... i think it had something to do with feeling like i was going to barf. ate some dinner than went to the rebel spell show with my brother and his girlfriend which was amazing but tired me out even more. i got home around 2 am.
tuesday - woke up still very tired and checked the mail and i got my grad acceptance letter. so yes, i got into grad school with a ta-ship and a scholarship. came home from class and edited my prostitution paper and looked over my punk presentation
wednesday - went to school, really really tired. talked to my prof and told her i got the acceptance and she talked about how she really wants me in the program and they are all wondering what the competition (the other program i applied to) will offer me. went and did my presentation which went well but my paper not so much. my blah-ness comes a lot from that. i feel really defeated and dumb and beaten up. i hate working so hard on something for it to only be seen as shit. after class though i went to lunch with two guys from class. it was so nice to just sit and talk about things other than school. one guy to has really pretty blue eyes which were nice to stare into. then i went to class and i was so bored. we talked about avant-garde art and honestly, i just dont care anymore haha. then i came home and just was in a really shitty mood. i talked to my brother about the paper and he always knows what to say...and he doesn't understand the criticisms either so im going to talk to my prof next week...calm down a bit. at this point i could cry or say something i regret. i also stayed up late looking at my prostitution paper which i still dont like much
thursday - today, woke up still feeling the same. its st pattys day and im wearing purple and sitting in my room typing this. the city smells like beer and the cops are out looking for people to charge. its the annual arrest as many students as possible day in this university town. anyways, like a good student i went to class to hand in my paper and we watched a movie on intersex and now i am here.
in all of this, i have been really emotional. i could cry at the drop of a dime and freak out at any moment. i feel overwhelmed and am feeling the pressure of my last now two weeks of undergrad. plus, i haven't been eating properly since last week. i am pretty good at eating dinner at 7 ish at the latest but lately i havent even eaten anything and by the time its 11 im like crap. last night i ate a bowl of rice at 9 because i didnt eat anything since lunch. to top it all off, i can't sleep an entire night. i wake up every few hours, toss and turn. i thought the stress of waiting for grad school was the original problem, clearly not.
thats all i think
oh and i like this quote by ee cummings, pretty punk rock
To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
i am super stressed out
to the point where i am done with school
and where i just don't care anymore
things are kind of all over the place now and my emotions are taking a beating
so lets explain somethings
friday - i was supposed to go out with my younger brother to a hockey game to watch his best friend (its not minor hockey, its junior so its more of a big deal). and i was really excited to get out of the house and spend time with him and he bailed on me because he forgot his phone at his friends house and i had no way of contacting him. so i stayed home and continued to write my paper on prostitution
saturday - wrote my paper still. probably about half of it and stayed up pretty late doing it as well
sunday - finished the paper. i was actually doing it till about 11 pm then tried to go to sleep but didn't fall asleep till after 5 am...
monday - i was so tired i don't even know how i got out of bed. i got up at 8.20 so i had very little sleep. i was also feeling kind of icky in the morning, just kind of blah so i decided to get an orange juice at school and while i was walking down the hall, my prof who is the chair of sociology asked me if i had got my letter yet and i was what letter and she said grad acceptance and i was was i supposed to? and she said YES! so i went the rest of the day in a pretty good-tired mood. went home and finished my punk presentation around 6 and tried to nap until 7 but it didnt work... i think it had something to do with feeling like i was going to barf. ate some dinner than went to the rebel spell show with my brother and his girlfriend which was amazing but tired me out even more. i got home around 2 am.
tuesday - woke up still very tired and checked the mail and i got my grad acceptance letter. so yes, i got into grad school with a ta-ship and a scholarship. came home from class and edited my prostitution paper and looked over my punk presentation
wednesday - went to school, really really tired. talked to my prof and told her i got the acceptance and she talked about how she really wants me in the program and they are all wondering what the competition (the other program i applied to) will offer me. went and did my presentation which went well but my paper not so much. my blah-ness comes a lot from that. i feel really defeated and dumb and beaten up. i hate working so hard on something for it to only be seen as shit. after class though i went to lunch with two guys from class. it was so nice to just sit and talk about things other than school. one guy to has really pretty blue eyes which were nice to stare into. then i went to class and i was so bored. we talked about avant-garde art and honestly, i just dont care anymore haha. then i came home and just was in a really shitty mood. i talked to my brother about the paper and he always knows what to say...and he doesn't understand the criticisms either so im going to talk to my prof next week...calm down a bit. at this point i could cry or say something i regret. i also stayed up late looking at my prostitution paper which i still dont like much
thursday - today, woke up still feeling the same. its st pattys day and im wearing purple and sitting in my room typing this. the city smells like beer and the cops are out looking for people to charge. its the annual arrest as many students as possible day in this university town. anyways, like a good student i went to class to hand in my paper and we watched a movie on intersex and now i am here.
in all of this, i have been really emotional. i could cry at the drop of a dime and freak out at any moment. i feel overwhelmed and am feeling the pressure of my last now two weeks of undergrad. plus, i haven't been eating properly since last week. i am pretty good at eating dinner at 7 ish at the latest but lately i havent even eaten anything and by the time its 11 im like crap. last night i ate a bowl of rice at 9 because i didnt eat anything since lunch. to top it all off, i can't sleep an entire night. i wake up every few hours, toss and turn. i thought the stress of waiting for grad school was the original problem, clearly not.
thats all i think
oh and i like this quote by ee cummings, pretty punk rock
To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
i love you snoogins, i'm sorry i can't help you feel less stressed at the moment, but i know you will get through this!
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