dreamer, you know you are a dreamer

are you one of those people that wake up and think (or say) to yourself, what the fuck was that dream about?
do you sit there trying to put things together?
get ready for your day thinking about the dream?
pretty much doing anything you can to remember the dream so you can retell it later?
whether you answered yes or no or maybe or sometimes to any of the above questions doesn't matter to much to me to tell you the truth.
i just felt like sounding like an infomercial or some annoying commercial
my answer to all of those questions is yes
i happen to be one of those individuals that remember dreams pretty well
and there are several dreams i remember vividly
i was sitting at my table eating tacos (om nom nom) and j was talking about how her friends call her ex her man because they still talk every once and a while
and then i remembered my dream from last night
it was so weird
so i am thinking i should look it up in my dream book
please note that i did not spend money on this. i actually found it at my old work and was like hey i dream
it actually is a crappy book...
but anyways
i'm going to interpret my dreams with the book called "interpret your dreams" - what a clever title, let's give it a round of applause...not.
so my dream. i don't know all the details but i know it involved some friends, a certain man, some refs, a hockey area with dressing rooms under construction, a bus, someone who recently talked to me (last monday) and shopping. the details are rather fuzzy actually but i know that this person asked me to go to the mall with her and i said "why" with the classic wtf face. and she wanted to hang out and i felt bad so i said i just had to stop by the rink. i went in with her and she was following me and i talked to a few refs about scheduling and then mr m (ha thats his new name) came up to me and i completely ignored him (which is impossible in real life. living out my fantasy of having the will power to ignore him!). we left and we were sitting at the bus stop and she asked who the cute blond guy with blue eyes was and i avoided the question because even in my dream i don't want her to know about my life. so we got on the bus and went to some house that my friends - lorellie, snoogies and stephicus - were standing outside of peering inside the front window. i got off the bus all confused and they told me that the dolls inside were putting a show on for them. i know we ended up going inside. there was a purple couch and an entire wall full of creepy dolls that were not putting on a show. another friend...let's call her...bobby because that is her cars name. anyways, she showed up with cookies. and we all sat on this couch and talked as if life was high school again. it was weird because i knew it was weird but didn't act weird.
i'm going to look up a few things and see what it says!
note: if you are a man and dream of milk, it means semen
bus: represents a particular short phase in the dreamers life
note: there isn't anything in here about a couch but do note that if you dream about a chair it is, and i quote representative of "turd." and if you dream of a chest of drawers and putting something long in it, that represents intercourse and tables represent sacrificing women... ahahah
sweets: it represents sweetheart (food in general is about sexual satisfaction hahaha)
dolls: toys represent childlike things that have remained in the dreamer. dolls represent what the dreamer wanted to do or do with the dolls as a child (i didn't play with dolls...barbies though...these were creepy dolls!)
other than that i can't find anything
i think the book is bullshit anyways
i think sometimes dreams are your way of telling yourself something
and sometimes its your brain being creative because in real life it can't be like that

okay that wasted a good half hour
back to writing!
im on page 13 wooo

ray charles

raise your hands like you just don't care

hello bloggy
i don't feel like writing my paper today
i've written 3 or 4 sentences and i can't make myself continue.
i've been working on it since tuesday (which is a very long time for me. i usually write papers in 2 or 3 days, writing the intro in one day an the bulk of it on the second day) and have gotten a huge chunk done - 9 pages to be exact
i guess i am slowly writing it to make it as perfect as it can be at this point. i am practically writing a thesis paper as it is worth 60% of my mark and involves primary research which in history, is a big deal. in soc, not so much
but now that i am on the actual analysis part, i don't want to write anymore ahah
which is bad considering that part is the most important part
its weird, usually i am most productive after 2 or 3 and saturdays are days i can bust out a lot of my paper
but i'm at home and home is a very difficult environment to write in or do any work for that matter
so i have 9 pages out of 20 -25 pages done and my paper is due in 2 weeks.
yuck.
its the end of february pretty much
that means i have 5 or 6 weeks left of school - actually, undergrad
i will be done soon and that's a really scary thought. i want to graduate but saying goodbye to some amazing people that got me through these 4 years - especially the last 3 - will be so hard.
and i'm not even graduating with some of them because we are in different programs and because my first major isn't their first major. sucks!
today i had to pick up a pair of pants from the cleaners because i had to get them fixed
and the lady asked me if i had any plans for the weekend and i said i was writing a paper
and she was like "WOAH YOU ARE A WRITER?" and i chuckled a bit because i thought that was a weird question/response but then i realized what city i was in and i said "no no...its a paper for school" and she said "so what newspaper is it going to be published in?" at this point i was confused - how the hell did she get that i was writing for a paper? then i again remembered where i was - i replied "its just for a class. i'm in university" she said "oh." ahahaha. and the oh was one of those oh... replies. i got the feeling she thought i was a billion and a half years older than i actually am which is funny.
i guess though i am a writer - i write lots of papers. but not by choice and i don't get paid for them. instead i pay to attend a class that tells me to write a paper that i don't want to actually write. oh university, i am glad i am almost done with you.
i say almost because i am literally once month plus a few weeks away from being done this year and because i applied to grad school....
what else, reading week went so fast. its ridiculous.
i have barely left the house too which is disappointing
on friday i saw my cousin and her bf at timmies, saturday i went to second cup, sunday...i went to future shop to get a card reader thing for my slr, monday i went to timmies with someone who i don't know what to call haha (j and i call her k)...and i think thats it. wait no thursday i dropped off my pants at the cleaners and bought a new eyeliner brush at shoppers. OH and thursday night i snuck out of the house to go to the grocery store to get nerds and coke so i could stay up late and do work.
how baller was my reading week eh?
i know, i know. pretty baller
i don't have much else to say
which is lame because that means i am supposed to go back to writing but i don't want to.
oh my living room is getting painted soon. hopefully it looks purrtty when its done.

i want to have time to do nothing. but no, school kills it.

okay i'm going to continue sitting here...starring at my paper. not doing anything productive.
maybe stumble upon! or load new photos on my deviant account. hmm.

ray charles

I lost my heart to the curse of the currents

Hello Blog,

I feel like writing right now, and I've been thinking about writing here the past few days. Anyway, my final model UN conference begins tomorrow, it should be fun. It's through a different organization than my other conferences, so half the people I don't really know. But I met my co-director today and she's really nice. They may also need me to moderate another committee at certain points since some people have bailed last minute.

I missed out on getting delicious pancakes with some friends today because of my meeting for NAMUN, oh well. I get to look forward to waking up early for the next five days woooooo, so I decided to sleep in today. Especially since I went skiing yesterday and was so exhausted. I also finally got my Badlands terrain park pass!! So I got to get back into the half-pipe after two years, and oh how I missed it. I also tried this little rail twice and fell both times hahaha, but I can still do benches which are wider and easier for me on skiis. I really wish I could find another skier who could teach me some tricks and how to do half-pipe properly and everything...Blue Mountain has amateur opens in the terrain park and tips from pros Wednesday nights, but I haven't been able to go this season...maybe next year. I'd really like to get better at it, there aren't many girl skiiers who do half-pipe or tricks, so it's something I've always considered pursuing. "Big-fish-small-pond" mentality lol.

Ski-cross is also another thing I wish I could do, it's basically where four skiers race down a hill filled with jumps and big turns (but there aren't any gates). Last year was the first year ski-cross was in the Olympics, and Canadian Ashleigh McIver won gold! I got to see her compete at the Rockstar ski-cross Championship at Blue Mountain last year too. I can do most of the stuff, I'm just shitty at landing most of the bigger jumps lol...but I'm getting better! Yay!

On another note, there have been some interesting developments the past week or two involving my close friends. I won't get into specifics, but I just don't know what to do anymore. One friend is having a tough time, and I only wish the best to this friend. Then there are other situtations. Sometimes people just don't change, and they're stuck in their beliefs and feelings for the rest of their lives. Sometimes people have revelations or epiphanies and realize they need to try to make a change, even if it seems impossible. As much as I would love for things to go back to the way they once were, I know it will never happen. And I'm ok with it these days. For me personally, certain things and people have changed and although we're ok now and apologies and such have been made, I know relationships won't be the same again. But to be brutally honest, I have to be ok with this. I don't have much of a choice. If I want to remain friends with my friends, I have to accept how things are now and I have to make the best of it. I've been doing this for the past two years and I'm happy I guess, because it's the best it will ever be at this point.

I hear things from different people like, "why hold on to highschool friends" and "why be friends with people who treat you shitty" etc. Well, I held back from expressing my feelings, and I wish I hadn't. I wish I had the balls to tell people to their faces why and how I feel. So I'll do it hear... It's none of your business. It's my life, they're my feelings, and they're my friends. I CHOOSE to be friends with my friends because I want to be friends with them. I take the good and the bad together because I love them. I'm not going to ever cut anyone out of my life, because I know what it's really like to lose a friend forever. And I never want to lose another friend again. I know exactly what it's like to sort of have a falling out with a best friend, and then you don't talk much or hangout anymore, and they have new and different friends, and you grow apart in ways...and then they're gone forever and you never have the chance to tell them you miss them or hang out with them again or make new fun memories. I know what that feels like. So I don't fucking care what anyone thinks. I don't want to cut anyone out of my life, at least not at this point. There are always going to be things we don't like about people and our friends, but there are also wonderful amazing things. ......Ok, that felt good to get out.

Anyway, one last thing before I go, I've sort of been doing some research the past few months, and I think I've self-diagnosed myself with obsessive-compulsive disorder...it explains a lot. I remember wikipedia-ing it back in grade 12, and I always thought of myself as being a little obsessive compulsive. But now I've done real reseach and stuff, and I know I have ocd, but I'm fortunate that it's not severe, it's pretty much mild (although it can get worse, but it can also get better), but it effects how I live my daily life. I may blog about it more, but it's something super personal and I'm surprised I'm even writing about it right now. I've never told anyone before, I've tried explaining it to my mom because she talks about my uncle having it...but she only has common misperceptions about it. It's kind of embarrassing, but I think it's important to be aware of it. Blahhhh.

I'm getting into a new band my friend introduced me to called Said the Whale, they're from Vancouver and their songs are awesome and cute. The Leafs need to keep winnnnning! They play the Habs tomorrow night! I shall ttyl Blog,

+ Lorelie

two years

life takes interesting twists and turns
and during those times
you meet new people, leave people behind and become who you are to be
today was an interesting day
a day that i never expected to occur
ever
i will not ramble on the details but it was pretty interesting
something feels different
i feel different
not better, not healed, not the way before
but different
lots was talked about and said
and maybe things will get better
maybe they wont
who knows, i don't even know what i want
i'm glad i didn't listen to everyone who told me not to go
but i needed to go
i needed to go for myself and i needed to know what was to be said
i don't know what to write
because i don't know what to say
and i can't even tell people what happened
its weird

these are cute http://community.livejournal.com/air_we_inspire/65159.html

ray charles

Maybe it was your sick need to give love and take it away.

Hello Blog,

So this past week I was super busy with our model UN conference we host for highschool students. We came up with different crises for my committe, which was a joint crisis between Venezuela and Colombia. It was a lot of fun and I'm really going to miss moderating. Hoepfully next year I'll be able to come back and help out again. I have my last conference during reading week, which is a week away! Ray Charles is coming home in a few days too! So I'm excited for that as well and to hang out with our friends again.

I worked today and for the second sunday in a row I didn't get a break. When I was actually able to take one, I had about 20 minutes left in my shift, so I was like fuck it I'm not taking it now I'm just going to get paid extra. But seriously, it's ridiculous that it's so busy and they never schedule enough people to work Sundays. I think I may talk to my boss next week about it. Funny enough we were given surveys to fill out today to send back to head office about our store lol.

Anyway, the Leafs picked up Joffrey Lupul in exchange for Beauchemin, which I guess makes sense since our defence is pretty kinda strong, aside from Komisarek who messes up a lot. What they really need is a decent play making centre for Kessel, because he needs someone to set up plays and get him the puck. Kessel is NOT a playmaker, he is a sniper with a wicked shot who doesn't use his speed enough. The Leafs are lacking a centre for him, and have now broken up the Mac-Grabo-Kulemin line so they can give him the two Russians who move the puck well. But that breaks up our top scoring line (all three lead the Leafs with 40+ points each!). So Burke needs to get a new centre before trade deadline. Lupul is a good winger, and I thinks he's a good guy, but he's not a centre for Kessel. We're also missing Colby Armstrong right now, and the Leafs tend to lose more when he's out...plus i LOVE Colby, he's such a fun player. So I hope he comes back soon. We also lost Gustavsson because his heart problem is back...which I find quite convenient considering Reimer is still up from the Marlies and Gus was sent down for a two week conditiong stint that wasn't almost finished. I feel bad for him, but he wasn't stopping many pucks. I'll be getting more nervous and angsty as trade deadline day approaches, as always hahaha.

Oh ya, happy Valentines Day! I don't care much for Valentine's day, I think it's a cute idea but it's more of an excuse to buy cards, flowers and candy. I do love candy and chocolate though. It was fun when I was a kid and we gave out cards, and I used to wear pink and red for fun...I plan on wearing my white and pink striped sweater to class tomorrow lol. I've never had a boyfriend on Valentine's day before, but that's alright. I don't think I'd be too into and I would never want anything more then a cute funny card or candy...who doesn't want candy haha! So it doesn't bother me and tomorrow's really just a normal school day. Which reminds me, I need to hit up the library and stock up on books for reading week to start some paper. UGH.

Arcade Fire won best album of the year tonight at the Grammy's!! They beat out like Lady Gaga, Beiber and Katy Perry, which is amazing. I'm so happy, especially since they're Canadian and do us proud. Anywayssss, I love that I went to bed at like 2am every night last week, and woke up at 6am almost every morning...I should catch up on my sleep...oh insomnia. AND my weird bump growth issue where I had my wisdom tooth removed five years ago is healing well...it was lasered off last Tuesday lol. So hopefully it goes back to normal. I need to stop biting the insides of my mouth so much haha.

+ Lorelie

add me! pleeeeeease add me!

why is facebook telling me more friends are waiting for me to find them?
and that 10 of my friends have found more friends?
why does facebook want me to connect to more friends?
i feel like there's some conspiracy thing going on
maybe if everyone had more friends
we'd all be watched somehow differently by the government
or we'd all be watched for activity for advertisers to advertise to us
or they are planning a crazy zombie attack and are watching our every moves so they can predict where we will be at a certain time and attack us! this would mean the rulers of facebook are zombies...smart zombies. which would mean they aren't really zombies, they are more like supa-zombies!
or maybe its because its a social network.
i definitely think though that i am going to chapters and getting my survival guide to surviving zombie attacks. essential, especially since facebook could totally be in on it
whatever it is, it can't be the last one.
i am content with my 200 some odd friends
most of whom i don't talk to
nor interact with
and haven't seen since high school
and some even since elementary school
about 25 of my friends can actually see my photos
and yet i keep them there
why? because facebook wants me to have lots of friends!

thats probably not actually the reason. i kind of feel bad for deleting people and i'm like hmm what if i ever need to talk to them? which isn't true either. if i haven't talked to you in 8 years, why would i need to talk to you now?

facebook, keeping you up-to-date on peoples lives who you wouldn't normally know anything about

pretty awesome, a staple of our society!

ray charles

life is like a candy machine?

i was looking around the internet
trying to see whether some movies i am dying to watch are up yet
*side note/side thought: dear pirates, what gives? really? how are they up no where? i hope you have no all be infected by scurvy and got lost sailing the 7 seas (or are being held by the popo like the 8 spammers...spammers are lame, pirates rule). from one pirate to another, yarr me matey, get your cams out or get to china!
anyhoo, another site, a third party hosting site, has been taken over and is now dead like ninja video (which i never fancied anyways) and is now an info site which is pretty much a rip off of imdb. seriously, imdb is good, we don't need all these other ones who were formerly awesome to do the same shit as imdb.
while looking at this site and shaking my head in saddness and mourning the loss of another site to the "immigration people," this classic line was on the side of the website: forest gump "life is like a box of chocolates, never know what you are going to get." nothing against forest or his mom or bubba and his shrimpin family or his lips but i couldn't help but think the quote over...
*side note/ side thought: to tell the truth, i can't look, read, watch or listen to anything anymore without criticizing it in some way. it doesn't even take that much thinking. i can instantly know whats wrong with it. not that this quote should sociologically be looked at but my mind is trained. according to my brother, its the sign that i'm an academic. hello grad school? i hope for my dear life
so this quote. all i have to say is, when i buy a box of chocolates, i know what i am going to get - lindor...lindor or lindor (its my favourite chocolate. i wish i had some actually hmmm). even those pot of gold ones that have multiple flavours and there's always the nasty ones no one eats. imagine how many people you could feed with the nasty pot of gold chocolate... anyways, to avoid having disgusting chocolate in my mouth i use to pot of gold chocolate map (hehe i should coin this name). its a good way to avoid disaster, but i know what i am going to get.
maybe the quotes more like, life is like a box of chocolates, choose your chocolate but you never know what you are going to get.
maybe it it would be more appropriate to think of it as a bag of skittles or a box of smarties or a 25 cent candy machine at the mall where you really don't know what you are going to get.
either way, its a good saying, just being a nin-cum-poop.
i just made the weirdest meal - cheese steak on a bun and stuffing on the side and orange juice ahahahha.
the life of a university student

ray charles

Life is a mother fucker sometimes

Hello again blog,

It's 10 am on a Saturday and I'm not in bed. I don't start work until 1:30. I went to sleep around 2:30 am. So why am I awake and writing on my blog? Well it's because life is a mother fucker sometimes. I also think my body really hates me for being neglegent. Yes I go to bed really late and don't get as much sleep as I should, yes I drink coffee sometimes, and yes I do over indulge in alcohol when I'm away from home. But honestly, the broken toe was pretty bad. It's healed now and we're alright. Well then body, you decide to give me my annual horrible head cold with its brutal cough last week. Thanks. I went to the doctor yesterday and got anti-biotics, I'll start taking them today, ok? No, not enough, you still hate me? Great. So now on the bottom left side of my mouth at the back, where I had one of my wisdom teeth removed five years ago, you decide to swell up and be irritating and hurt like a bitch. Thanks again. I went to the dentist today. He said anti-biotics could help, I'll definately start taking them today, ok? So can you pleeeeaasee just go back to normal and stop swelling? If you don't the dentist is going to have to chop you off, which will be very unpleasant for both of us. I'm the one afraid of needles too, rememer? So body, I will go to bed earlier and eat healthier and not drink so much, so just stop hating me! I have a model UN meeting monday I CANNOT miss and then classes all day and tuesday. So just leave me alone and then Wednesday morning I'll go back to the dentist and fix it if it's still swollen. It hurts to eat and talk and swallow and this is so not funny. I have to run a committee thursday-saturday and I'd really like to be able to talk without being in pain or coughing up my lungs. Seriously, this shit keeps happening to me at really bad times. Ugh. I really need to catch up on my school work too.

+ Lorelie

what up gangsta foo?

i am actually extremely tired
i don't know whats wrong with me
but i have no energy lately
which isn't good for getting any work done
for example yesterday i came home and had a 3 hour nap after my 1 hour and 20 minute class
today i wasnt going to have a nap but at 4 i was dying when trying to do work so i laid in my bed for 2 hours and didn't sleep because i couldn't haha

anyways
this week shall be fantastic
tomorrow could very well be a snow day
we are expecting 30 + cm of snow!!!!
thursday im going to a weakerthans show!
friday j and i are hosting a surprise belated birthday for a friend
and friday i was suppose to go to a hockey game with my younger brother but i cant be out and about that much since i have so much work to do

what else... reading week is in a few weeks
ill be writing my history paper
so it will be writing week
and my CAMERA
so exciting
camera adventures

okay im tired im going to continue doing nothing
i cant watch anything because our internet is at 75%
sucks

okay im out
ray charles

All we do is win win win no matter what!

Hello blog, it's been a while it seems. This past weekend I was in Montreal for McGill model UN 2011. It was one of the best conferences I've been too, but it seems each one I go to gets better. I was in an NHL committee and got to hang out with some awesome people who love hockey too. The best is that I got to role play as a hockey player, and I even said "We can't let to owners fuck with us!" during committee session lol. Plus I told Sean Avery to suck it and many other fun comments were made by me and other players throughout the weekend. I also did a lot of drinking with my delegation and the final party was really well done by the McMUN staff. They flew in this famous DJ who everyone was pretty excited about. I wish every day was like a model UN conference, but I would probably not survive. We wake up early, go to bed late, eat whatever we can find, drink whatever we can find, party hard, debate hard, and become like a family. That's what I love the most, that I barely know most of the people I went with from my school, but we become like a family throughout the weekend. These kids are really amazing too, the most intelligent and motivated people I know. I know many of them will be future leaders.

But the UN fun isn't over. I have the highschool conference my UN club is hosting next week and I'm moderating one of the crisis committees (these are always so much fun). Then at the end of reading week I have the university level conference the other model UN group runs, and I will be directing a committe for it. Anyway, I feel like talking about what it takes to be in model UN and maybe explain it a little...

1) Each school sends a delegation to a conference that another school runs, and you want your school to win the most awards. Usually West Point, George Washington and Yale clean house at awards ceremonies since they send the biggest delegations (40+ students usually) and there is some bias involved with these schools too. But U of T did win four awards at McMUN!

2) There are many committees at each conference, and you're assigned a position in one committee...I got to be the player rep from the Leafs in the NHLPA at McMUN. So basically you can have fun with this depending on the country or character. If you're the USA, be an asshole. If you're Russia, be an asshole with an accent. If you're an African country, create an African bloc with other African countries. You don't have to be a good actor, but it helps and makes it more fun. I know I sort of become a different person when I'm in character, plus I become more intense and talkative.

3) You have to be assertive but likeable. I know a few people who can be total aggressive assholes but they can get away with it somehow. However, you need to get people to like you and you need to be approachable because if you want your resolution to pass you need people to sponsor it and then vote for it. It's all about negotiating, being charasmatic and even being a good liar in some siutations. You want to get your resolution out there first, so be aggressive.

4) In crisis committees it's different. You don't write resolutions but rather directives or press releases. These don't need sponsors but they do need to be voted on if they're not just from you alone. Everything happens a lot faster and the crisis staff release crisis after crisis almost every 15 minutes. So you have to act quickly. These can be really fun though.

5) You have to be in constant contact with others in your committee, especially your allies and bloc. We usually send notes, but the NHL committee was done through instant chat and email which was amazing. It's important to know where everyone stands, who agrees with you, and whose minds you can change.


Alright, so those are a few main points about model UN. It's a lot of fun but it isn't for everyone. It takes practice and there are many rules involved. But it's become so innate to me now I can just go into committee and do my thing lol. I'm pretty run down now from McMUN and from going to my two classes in the cold yesterday. I have a head cold now and my throat kinda hurts. Tomorrow is supposed to be a huge snow storm, so we'll see how that goes. Leafs play tonight too!

ps. I'm still pissed at the kid who was playing the Leafs owner Larry Tanenbaum, because there's no way he'd vote in favour of a team coming to Toronto! He should have taken it as an opporunity to be an asshole and step up his game...he so went against his foreign policy lol.

+ Lorelie