Hello Blog,
I feel like writing right now, and I've been thinking about writing here the past few days. Anyway, my final model UN conference begins tomorrow, it should be fun. It's through a different organization than my other conferences, so half the people I don't really know. But I met my co-director today and she's really nice. They may also need me to moderate another committee at certain points since some people have bailed last minute.
I missed out on getting delicious pancakes with some friends today because of my meeting for NAMUN, oh well. I get to look forward to waking up early for the next five days woooooo, so I decided to sleep in today. Especially since I went skiing yesterday and was so exhausted. I also finally got my Badlands terrain park pass!! So I got to get back into the half-pipe after two years, and oh how I missed it. I also tried this little rail twice and fell both times hahaha, but I can still do benches which are wider and easier for me on skiis. I really wish I could find another skier who could teach me some tricks and how to do half-pipe properly and everything...Blue Mountain has amateur opens in the terrain park and tips from pros Wednesday nights, but I haven't been able to go this season...maybe next year. I'd really like to get better at it, there aren't many girl skiiers who do half-pipe or tricks, so it's something I've always considered pursuing. "Big-fish-small-pond" mentality lol.
Ski-cross is also another thing I wish I could do, it's basically where four skiers race down a hill filled with jumps and big turns (but there aren't any gates). Last year was the first year ski-cross was in the Olympics, and Canadian Ashleigh McIver won gold! I got to see her compete at the Rockstar ski-cross Championship at Blue Mountain last year too. I can do most of the stuff, I'm just shitty at landing most of the bigger jumps lol...but I'm getting better! Yay!
On another note, there have been some interesting developments the past week or two involving my close friends. I won't get into specifics, but I just don't know what to do anymore. One friend is having a tough time, and I only wish the best to this friend. Then there are other situtations. Sometimes people just don't change, and they're stuck in their beliefs and feelings for the rest of their lives. Sometimes people have revelations or epiphanies and realize they need to try to make a change, even if it seems impossible. As much as I would love for things to go back to the way they once were, I know it will never happen. And I'm ok with it these days. For me personally, certain things and people have changed and although we're ok now and apologies and such have been made, I know relationships won't be the same again. But to be brutally honest, I have to be ok with this. I don't have much of a choice. If I want to remain friends with my friends, I have to accept how things are now and I have to make the best of it. I've been doing this for the past two years and I'm happy I guess, because it's the best it will ever be at this point.
I hear things from different people like, "why hold on to highschool friends" and "why be friends with people who treat you shitty" etc. Well, I held back from expressing my feelings, and I wish I hadn't. I wish I had the balls to tell people to their faces why and how I feel. So I'll do it hear... It's none of your business. It's my life, they're my feelings, and they're my friends. I CHOOSE to be friends with my friends because I want to be friends with them. I take the good and the bad together because I love them. I'm not going to ever cut anyone out of my life, because I know what it's really like to lose a friend forever. And I never want to lose another friend again. I know exactly what it's like to sort of have a falling out with a best friend, and then you don't talk much or hangout anymore, and they have new and different friends, and you grow apart in ways...and then they're gone forever and you never have the chance to tell them you miss them or hang out with them again or make new fun memories. I know what that feels like. So I don't fucking care what anyone thinks. I don't want to cut anyone out of my life, at least not at this point. There are always going to be things we don't like about people and our friends, but there are also wonderful amazing things. ......Ok, that felt good to get out.
Anyway, one last thing before I go, I've sort of been doing some research the past few months, and I think I've self-diagnosed myself with obsessive-compulsive disorder...it explains a lot. I remember wikipedia-ing it back in grade 12, and I always thought of myself as being a little obsessive compulsive. But now I've done real reseach and stuff, and I know I have ocd, but I'm fortunate that it's not severe, it's pretty much mild (although it can get worse, but it can also get better), but it effects how I live my daily life. I may blog about it more, but it's something super personal and I'm surprised I'm even writing about it right now. I've never told anyone before, I've tried explaining it to my mom because she talks about my uncle having it...but she only has common misperceptions about it. It's kind of embarrassing, but I think it's important to be aware of it. Blahhhh.
I'm getting into a new band my friend introduced me to called Said the Whale, they're from Vancouver and their songs are awesome and cute. The Leafs need to keep winnnnning! They play the Habs tomorrow night! I shall ttyl Blog,
+ Lorelie
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