I wrote this in the beginning of January 2010...it was sort of my view at the time...I still hold it, but slightly different. I know I'm a stronger person now.
Darling, I am so sorry
I know I keep putting you through this
Over and over and over again
But I don't know if you're the problem or if I am
It's like a vicious cycle between you and I
Do I make you the way you are or do you make me the way I am?
Either way we're stuck with each other, so let's make the best of this
That is why I'm going to promise you something
I promise to take better care of you this year
Between impractical dreams, caving in and being thrown around
You're still beating every other second fighting your weaknesses
The weaknesses I bring upon you
Whether I'm resurrecting past memories and secrets
Welcoming in "what ifs" and "could have beens"
Throwing you against the wall screaming I'm done
Coughing you up and allowing you to be walked all over
I'm always caving in
I'm hurting you, I'm hurting us
And I'm tired of scraping you up from off the faithless floor
Or collecting your pieces, though each time losing a few more
I'm sorry that scotch tape is holding you together when I can't
And I'm sorry for passing you off as something shiny and whole and open for business
But through the mistakes and second chances
And rough nights with the past and second second chances
You've stuck around, because we need each other
I'm sorry for hoping and dreaming so big, filling you with nothing but air
But these dreams, our dreams, are not so impractical
They may not be the safest, but I am learning that they are possible
So just stick around a little longer and I promise things will change
My skin is tougher along with my will
My ribs, though uneven and protruding on one side, are always there for you
Especially when I forget to be or can't be
So darling, this year will be different, I promise
It's already started off much better than last year did
Together I think we can break this cyclical rendezvous with dead ends
I just need to keep reminding myself, "STOP CAVING INTO YOUR WEAK HEART."
Because our life is depending on it
+ Lorelie
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