we haven't spoke for a very long time
since your birthday really, but that was just a hello, happy birthday message
a real conversation happened about 4 months ago
doesn't seem long, but it feels like forever
you were absent from my mind for a while actually
which is quite nice in reality considering i should be thinking about other things
and focusing my time on my friends and school
but you've snuck your way back
i don't know how
and i don't know when
but you are there
i was thinking about 2 summers ago
and how happy i was, how you made me smile and laugh
and feel amazing
you brought some much needed smiles into my life
thanks for that. you will never know, but you helped me overcome some real hard moments
i also thought about last summer
and how i pulled away
and how hard it was for me to be the person i should be with you
i've always wondered if you noticed
it seemed like you did
but that could just be me imaging things again
anyways, i'm not writing this to dwell on the past
and i'm not writing this to pretend that i am completely over you
it's more of an apology
something crossed my mind today while i was supposed to be researching for a paper
its more of a what-if -apology
anyways, i'm rambling
i was thinking about how shitty i felt when i found out you had a girlfriend
how empty i felt and how i finally understood what nothing felt like
it was hard to concentrate on school and it was hard to even laugh
then i thought, what if i made you feel like that
let's say you were interested in me
and because i have the inability to let someone love me
i acted disinterested
that means i shut you down
i would have hurt you
in this what-if world, i am truly sorry.
after conversations and trying to figure myself out
its been discovered that i am my own worst enemy
and in the process of this self-destruction
not only am i hurting myself
but i could have hurt you
for the sake of you, i hope you never liked me.
i would never want to make you feel like shit.
sincerely your friend,
ray charles
since your birthday really, but that was just a hello, happy birthday message
a real conversation happened about 4 months ago
doesn't seem long, but it feels like forever
you were absent from my mind for a while actually
which is quite nice in reality considering i should be thinking about other things
and focusing my time on my friends and school
but you've snuck your way back
i don't know how
and i don't know when
but you are there
i was thinking about 2 summers ago
and how happy i was, how you made me smile and laugh
and feel amazing
you brought some much needed smiles into my life
thanks for that. you will never know, but you helped me overcome some real hard moments
i also thought about last summer
and how i pulled away
and how hard it was for me to be the person i should be with you
i've always wondered if you noticed
it seemed like you did
but that could just be me imaging things again
anyways, i'm not writing this to dwell on the past
and i'm not writing this to pretend that i am completely over you
it's more of an apology
something crossed my mind today while i was supposed to be researching for a paper
its more of a what-if -apology
anyways, i'm rambling
i was thinking about how shitty i felt when i found out you had a girlfriend
how empty i felt and how i finally understood what nothing felt like
it was hard to concentrate on school and it was hard to even laugh
then i thought, what if i made you feel like that
let's say you were interested in me
and because i have the inability to let someone love me
i acted disinterested
that means i shut you down
i would have hurt you
in this what-if world, i am truly sorry.
after conversations and trying to figure myself out
its been discovered that i am my own worst enemy
and in the process of this self-destruction
not only am i hurting myself
but i could have hurt you
for the sake of you, i hope you never liked me.
i would never want to make you feel like shit.
sincerely your friend,
ray charles
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