I remember how beautiful it was, when I believed in things like love

Hello Blog!

So Ray Charles and I are embarking on a 45 day challenge post-undergrad! We are getting our B.A.'s, we so excited hahahaha! So each day we'll be anwering a question.

Day 01 - Belief specific to your childhood

Like Ray Charles, I believed in Santa and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy way back when. I stopped believing in Santa when I was seven. I was snooping for Christmas gifts in my parents closet, and saw a Sailor Moon board game. Then on Christmas that same board game said it was from Santa on the gift tag lol.

I also loved shows like Friends, and for some reason thought I would go to Harvard, be married at 25, and have my first kid at 27...oh boy!

For me, the big thing I believed in was, for lack of a better word, magic. I grew up on shows like Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Sailor Moon and Cardcaptors. I always thought that when I was older I would get super powers or something. I always thought I had powers, but that they were not fully developed because I was still young. I always wished one day something would happen similar to what happened to Sailor Moon - you discover you're a super hero with a serious past, and the world needs saving! Alas, it never happened for me, boo. I also used to think I was sort of psychic and I actually would try to cast spells and stuff hahaha. I still think it's fun, and who knows right!

I aslo grew up believing in God, similar to Ray Charles. I never really understood it back then. I remember I hated going to church all the time before I was confirmed in grade eight. I never really truly understood what it all meant. I learned and memorized the Bible stories and Jesus' life, because that's what I was taught in school. It never really made sense, I just went along with it. I feel like at thriteen/fourteen, it's too young to really know if you want to believe and continue following your faith. I realized a while ago that confirmation is baptism, except now you speak for yourself instead of your god parents, and now you get to make the choice. Kids should really understand this when making the decision, but usually it's their parents making that decision for them. That's the problem.

It was when I was fifteen in grade ten that I truly made that decision for myself. I don't care for instiutions of faith, it's something private and personal. It's something you need to come by yourself. I went through a bunch of shit back then and ya I guess I "found God." But I don't agree with everything in the Catholic faith, I don't even go to Church really (I didn't go this past Easter). I like parts of other religions too, like reincarnation in Budhism and aspects of Shintoism. Plus believing in magic doesn't exactly coincide with Catholicism haha. I've been know to curse the gods or ask them for certain things, even though I believe in one God...not sure how that works lol. And my whole concept of fate makes it even more confusing. All I know is God pretty much saved my life, literally. Plus I do enjoy praying, I know he's listening.

I guess I still carry many of my childhood beliefs with me. Except for Santa, he died when I was seven.


Oh, I must be psychic. I wrote this Friday for some reason...and it basically describes my Saturday night. When I wrote it, it had nothing to do with what has happened now. Strange.

I am surely at my worst this time
This isn't me pushing away emotions
Or pretending not to care as much as I really do
Or even subtly ignoring you because you're getting too close
No, this is worse, so much worse
This time I'm running wild like
A forest fire rampaging through the amazon
Braking branches and burning bark

I would blame this all on my past
I know that's what I'll end up telling you anyway
But I can't continue using that as an excuse
Because I said I was over it, no longer plagued
By memories and broken bones and missing pieces
By wishful thinking, hopeless prayers and missing feelings
But oh how I still am
It's holding me like never before because it's not holding me at all

I've always been such a gracious host to my bad habits
Well I've been clean for a while
But now I'm indulging in the kind that hurts more than just myself
With every look, every touch, every thought
I'm ravaging the forest and engulfing it
In the same God damn flames I've been burned by
If this is some twisted sort of Karma than we're all doomed
Because fate's making sinners out of those who were once sinned against


So now I'll just stand idly by and watch it all burn down


+ Lorelie