Why'd you have to wait to find me

Day 02 - How you feel about God and religion

Yesterday’s answer was a good set up for today’s. I’ve written about this topic a few times in the past on our blog, so I’ve re-read what I wrote before and I’m going to be using many of the same lines.

I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic elementary and high school. My mom was raised Catholic as well, Italian-Catholic lol. My dad is Lutheran as most Finns are, but he’s not exactly religious. I’ve actually never heard him talk about it, he just comes to church with us when we actually go. I’m not sure what he really believes.

So of course I believe in God then, right? But it’s not that simple. Yes, my mom is Catholic, but she stopped making me go to church a long time ago, I didn’t even go this past Easter. And as for school, I took religion class with the same mind set I took every class with, just trying to get A's. In grade nine I asked my teacher why women aren’t allowed to be priests, and she said a priest has to be close to Jesus, and Jesus was a man...then I said but didn't God create man and woman equal? My teacher couldn't answer that one lol. I don’t agree with many things n Catholicism. I think the Pope is a silly institution once used as a form of political authority over the state...learned a lot from Machiavelli in political theory lol.

To me, going to church or being preachy does not mean you have faith. I believe faith is a private thing, it's something between you and God, and it's nothing to show off about. I know I don’t really talk about it with anyone, but I think that's because no one would really understand. Faith is something each person finds themselves, on their own....not because of school, or family, or whatever. And that's how I found it.

I've never told anyone exactly what happened regarding why I believe in God, I don’t know if I ever will. It all started in the beginning of grade ten, when I probably went through one of the toughest times in my life. I won't get into it too much, but I was scared and alone and it was an awful time. But then I found my faith. I had never really talked to God like I did at this time, but it was different. I was out of options, and for once in my life, I believed for a real reason. I know for a fact that He saved me. Ya, I know how silly that sounds, I would never say it aloud to anyone, but I know it’s true. For me, it’s something I just know and feel after everything that happened.

I still pray, especially when I need strength and faith or help. I prayed to have the strength and will to finish my degree, especially during the last few weeks of school. I pray for my friends, even those who don't believe. I pray for my family, especially my Grandma. I pray for the world. I do it because I know He saved me and He's listening. I don't know if I would be here, where I am today, without Him. God is the only one who has ever seen me at my worst and my best and everything in between. And my worst is pretty bad. I’ve made promises to never do certain things again, and I’ve broken those promises. But he still helps me.

I also like parts of other religions. I sort of believe in the Buddhist belief of reincarnation, since I think I’ve had past lives...not sure how it works lol. I also love the Japanese religion called Shintoism, I even wrote a paper on it for my Ecological World Views class. Basically, many natural objects have spirits in them called “kami,” especially things like trees, mountains and rivers. It’s a really cool belief system that connects the natural and spiritual world, and most of Hayao Miyazaki’s films have to do with aspects of Shintoism.

I like how the social gospel movement during the 1930s shaped the Cooperative Commonwealth Federation (now the NDP) and how many of the founding members were clergy men, like Tommy Douglas. It was a different religious influence than the one that the crazy right-wing parties had. The CCF/NDP wanted the abundant life for everyone, followed the story of the Good Samaritan, and believed in helping your neighbour. This is where religion can be good.

Anyway, I don’t know how to explain how it all works, I’m not even sure myself. All I know is God pretty much saved my life, literally. Religion is something humans constructed. Faith is something you find on your own. It doesn’t work for everyone, but it works for me. I know God is there, somewhere, and I know he’s listening. I guess I'm lucky being able to realize all this at a young age, but my philophies change all the time. The one thing that stays the same is my belief in God.

Ps. I’m the Confirmation sponsor for my friend’s sister on the 26th. My friend passed away in November 2007. It feels weird, but it’s really nice that she asked me. I hope I can help her and want her to really understand what it all means. It’s truly an honour she asked me, since she couldn’t ask her sister.

Pps. Canucks won game six against the Nashville Predators! Moving on to round three against either the San Jose Sharks or Detroit Red Wings! Wooooo!

+ Lorelie