Stealing tomorrow from today

Day 10 - Something you want to improve in your life

Something simple I want to improve is my job and finances. I REALLY want a new job, something in my field of either government or the enviornment, and I want to be able to start paying off my loans. This probably won't happen for a while though. But I guess I should get another part-time job in the mean time.

Alright, time to get all deep and philosophical. Another area I would like to improve would be my love life I guess. I know some of my other friends are going on vacation soon with their boyfriends/girlfriends all together...I wish I could go on vacation, really badly. But I guess I'm also kinda envious about their relationships. I could be in a relationship if I really wanted to, but every time I think about it I get weirded out. I've been in relationships before, and they never worked out. Even when one was going well, it wasn't working for me. Maybe it was the guy, it wasn't that he was wrong for me, but he wasn't right either. So I don't know.

There's also this guy I've had a crush on for a while, but I barely know him. I'd like to think it'd work if things aligned properly in my life for once, but then I always subconsciously think I'd ruin it. I've written a lot of songs and poems about this before. I really think I'm not meant to be in a relationship, at least not the typical cliche normal type. I'm weird and difficult and I like my space. I've been going by my motto of "being safe means being alone," and I've told myself maybe I'm tired of being alone, yet still here I am by myself. I also think why should I settle for someone I'm not completely enamoured with or don't like enough, because if it's not there I know from experience it won't work. I know my Mr. Perfect doesn't exist, I have way too high expectations and ridiculous preferences, but is it too much to ask that there's a guy who likes hockey, politics and I'm attracted to him? lol

Maybe I should take the advice of the movie I watched with Ray Charles last night, "Stop looking for obstacles and start looking for magic."

Anyway, maybe one day it will happen. Maybe I'll meet someone at my new job and it will all magically come together haha. Here's a song I've been in love with since I first heard it last year. It's called "Stealing Tomorrow" by Great Lake Swimmers, and it's amaaaazing. The lyrics have so much meaning, but it's not completely straightforward and there are some metaphors and such. Favrouite lines include,

'Why can't I feel?' mean without you? (basically he's saying, how can I ask myself "why can't I feel" if I'm not with someone, because only when's he's with someone does he not feel anything)

And I've built this wall around me, I refuse to let anyone through, no not even you

I can't be sobre and win you over

And you don't even know half of it, I can't turn it off I don't have a switch for that

I haven't crash landed yet

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reUPeym_2ls&feature=related


+ Lorelie