We've got out obsessions

Day 57 - A picture of how you'd like the world to see you.

Ok get ready, this may be another long answer. So, what’s interesting about this question is that different people see me differently. I know the people I work with and my work friends probably see me somewhat differently than the way my friends see me. Today was actually my first day back at work in like two months, it was so good to see my friends again! Plus it wasn’t even that busy which is always nice. My work friends/bosses/people I work with see me as responsible and nice and smart. I think the glasses help with the whole smart thing lol. And when I tell people what I’m studying and where I go to school, they think I’m smart as well, which is good because people don’t usually think cashiers are smart. The younger girls ask me for advice sometimes, and they like when I’m supervising because I’m laid-back and fun haha. Obviously my friends see me differently because I don’t work with them and it’s just a different relationship. I’m sure my family sees me differently than how my friends see me too.

So when it comes to how I want the world to see me, I have a few ideas. I like how most people see me now, I’m very lucky that I’m loved and appreciated and respected. But sometimes I wish people did see me differently. First, I wish more people would see me as intelligent. I used to be called a “brainer” in elementary school, and I was usually thought of as pretty smart throughout highschool. But ever since maybe grade 12 I feel like I’m not given enough credit. I feel like some people think they know so much about certain things and apparently I’m completely ignorant or something. I hate when people treat me like I’m dumb or ignorant. I’m studying political science and environmental policy, I read the news almost every day, I’m in model United Nations, I know a lot about the NHL and hockey, I’ve learned so much about different topics in all the different classes I’ve taken. So trust me, I know what I’m talking about and I fucking know what you’re talking about too. I’m used to being the “smart one” because I always was growing up, so it’s just very important for me to be seen as smart now that I’m older.

The second thing, I don’t know if I can explain properly. Maybe the best way to put it is that I wish people saw me as a “writer.” I’ve been writing my entire life, and I started taking it seriously in highschool. Since second year I’ve been using Deviant Art to learn more through reading the work of other writers and pushing myself to write better and try new styles and methods. I’m taking a creative writing class now that I’ve been waiting three years to take. But I still feel like if I didn’t actually tell people that I write and show them my work, they wouldn’t care or believe me. I don’t think I get enough credit or whatever for all the writing I do and how much I love writing and care about it. Sure I don’t read that many books, but I’m always reading poetry and prose stuff online. Maybe it’s because I’ve never really shared my stuff with people in my life, but I’m trying. I just wish people would see me as creative and talented and as a good writer who has a lot to offer.

The last thing is I wish people saw me as pretty and beautiful as I try to see myself. I don’t know how people see me or if guys think I’m pretty, I don’t know. And I mean this in the least vain and least shallow way, but I think I’m pretty. It just doesn’t seem to show in real life. I don’t know if this even makes sense lol. When I’m in my room doing my make up or even taking my make up off, and I see me for me up close, I think I’m prettier than all those uggo fake faces and slutty girls. I wish guys would think that I’m pretty and confident just as I am, and that it’s cool how I don’t dress a certain way...and that just because I’m covered up and not a skank, or that I wear glasses, it doesn’t mean I’m not pretty. Again, I don’t know what this is really about, it’s just something I’ve always thought about lol.


Anyway, I'm going SKIING TOMORROW!! I'm so excited. This is another thing, I wish people saw me as someone who is ok at sports. I know I'm not great or even all that good, but I love playing sports and I'm really enthusiastic. I'm also a fucking amazing skiier, like I've been skiing since I was four. So I'm not awful at sports ok! lol

+ Lorelie