The Best is Something I Won't Know

I'm posting this in advance of tomorrow's post (day 18 - your biggest insecurity) because i've been thinking about it and writing...and well, i've written like two pages of nonesens. I decided my poetry/prose/lyrics can best describe how I feel, and in this case my insecurities. I began writing the piece below in June 2009 and finished it by adding verses 4 and 5 in October 2009 (which were based off of different feelings and don't really deal with my insecurities).

The Best is Something I Won't Know

You slip into my veins
And make my neck hurt
I'm conflicted with growing pains
Trying to make this work
But it's not you, it's me
And that's the truth
I do my best
But my best won't

I've done things
I still do things too
To settle scores
Old and new
It's the way I'm programmed
It's what I know
You do your best
But your best won't

Never by intention
But I can't control my heart
I won't feign my affection
It's just the way it falls apart
And how you get the worst of me
Every single time
The feeling that I messed up
Always follows close behind

How now you're more important
Than my own dreams
How now we can't escape
Though we play on different teams
The way you follow me
And the way you don't
How my heart does its best
But its best won't

It's in the way the moon
Grows brighter every night
How you didn't stay
But my heart is still tight
If I'm supposed to live for you
What will happen when you leave
This isn't the best
So the best won't

It's this unconscious state of mind
That wants this to fall apart
It's the way you'll never find
The truth behind my weak heart
How I'm sabotaging what we've made
Settling scores and debts unpaid
The best is something I won't know
We do our best but our best won't